When my husband, Chris and I counsel couples, we see many people
who feel that they can have a relationship with the opposite sex and not have
it affect their marriage in any way. These can be old boyfriends or
girlfriends, coworkers, or exes so we need
to define “relationship". Okay...let's say it's someone that you
just talk to on the phone or text message. Is that acceptable? Now,
go a step further and it's someone you go to lunch or dinner alone with occasionally. Acceptable or not? There is a point
where these connections cross over and become an emotional attachment. Of
course, men will say that these relationships aren't emotional for them at
least until sex is in play. However, most women enter into these relationships
for the emotional attachment. So, with this in mind, there may be a
disparity between a man and a woman as to when a "relationship"
actually begins. Some people would describe these relationships as
friendships, but friendships have different levels of depth to them as well.
There are elements of trust, respect and affection that enter into all
friendships and these vary in degree in each one.
So, let's get back to marriage. A relationship with the opposite sex outside of your marriage, almost always means you are confiding in, trusting or sharing affection with someone who is not your spouse. In other words, this means your needs for these things are being met with someone who is not your spouse. "Emotional" affairs are as dangerous as physical ones. Once you have made that emotional connection, temptation starts knocking at the door.
Today, society tries very hard to blur these lines of what is acceptable. It is very easy in these days of social media to take a picture or make a comment that can instantly turn an "innocent" situation into one that puts doubt and question of impropriety in the forefront and can easily unravel a marriage. If you take a marriage that might be going through hard or stressful times, or having a simple conflict and add in doubt about outside relationships like this, it erodes trust and the marriage might not survive.
The Bible says in Matthew 5:28..."But I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." Pay attention that Jesus is saying here that the sin is already beginning with what it is in the mind and heart, not in the actions. Our counsel to couples is to protect the marriage at all cost and never put yourself in a situation of temptation. Don't give Satan the opportunity to use a situation for evil. Hebrews 13:4 says..."Marriage is to be honored by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery." If you are trying to decide what relationships are "acceptable," you are probably not guarding your marriage.
